Hi, hey, welcome back. Just a preface, this isn't any special hard truths entry or urgent news, just small stuff I think about from time to time with a bit of a real-world third-party point of reference attached to it.
I believe that I'm very blessed to have certain people in my life. By some stroke of rare luck, I’ve managed to stumble my way into closeness with very special friends. Over the years, those friends have flirted their way into relationships, some good, and some not so good. The rest of this piece will just be talking about one of those good relationships, one of the best I’ve seen actually. With a pair of these friends, I just asked them a bunch of questions, some more personal than others, just to get a good grasp of their relationship without watching their every move :) Here’s a bit of their story -
From the very start of this relationship, it was destined to be different when compared to your average 'boy-meets-girl-at-a-cafe-and-they-lock-eyes' story. Imagine meeting your future partner completely by random chance out of fifty million (that number is not an exaggeration I promise) people all gathered together on a particular day. In what can only be compared to bumping into someone out of a crowd of millions, our hero and heroine, let's call them Samuel and Ann, sparked something neither could've predicted. Hopefully, you would agree with me when I say first impressions can make or break potential relationships. For Milo, he found Ann really easy to talk to when they first met; she was clear, open, and chill - that paved the way for a genuine conversation to be had where both parties felt like they were comfortable talking to each other. I mean how stressful would you be if you kept having this feeling that this person you're talking to just wasn't being genuine or didn't care about what you had to say? A willingness to listen to someone and genuinely caring about what they're telling you, especially when you've just met them, is such an underrated thing; it does wonders for making meaningful connections, who would've thought?
"WHAT IF THEY [insert hurtful thing here]?" It's okay, I get it - being afraid of love is a real thing. I hear some of you and honestly, the thought of maybe falling in love with someone new can be a bit scary. For Samuel, when I asked him "What's one thing about love that scares you?" He gave a very comfortable "Not a whole lot" as an answer. I believe there are two reasons for this - The fact that he's currently in love, and the fact that he trusts his partner as much as he loves her, but we'll come back to that later.
Okay so you've met this amazing person and all the right signs are there, but you're not sure if you're okay with taking the next step and pursuing a full-fledged relationship with them. It happens, but first off let's ask this - Your last (healthy) relationship, assuming and hoping you've had one, were you afraid of the love you had for your partner? You may or may not have been in love at the time but there was (again, hopefully) still love in that relationship. During those special moments - the late-night chats that had you grinning from ear to ear, the feeling you got when you smelt your partner's scent, or even when you were having a bad day and they were just there for you - were you feeling fear? If not, good! your partner was at the very least a decent human being! But no honestly of course you weren't afraid, because you trusted them and you trusted that the love that was present in that relationship was enough for you at the time. Would those experiences have been anywhere near as pleasurable if the constant what-ifs that come with being afraid were present? Probably not. Okay now that we've remembered what it was like to have love for someone, let's talk about what it looks like to be afraid of said love while you're in a relationship. The fact of the matter is, that doesn't happen if you trust the person you're with. those little what-ifs are the relationship killer in my personal opinion, and if you do find yourself asking that before or during a relationship, maybe you should get to know that person a bit more, in a platonic sense, before proceeding forward. Once you know and trust someone, the thought of being in love with them becomes a whole lot less scary
All of that was a long-winded way of saying you're not afraid of something you trust, and you trust the things that you love so there's no need to be afraid of love.
Okay so you've met this person, you hit it off, and congratulations, you're no longer doing life alone, but now comes the hard part. You've done the initial tests, there's compatibility, but now it's time to ask if there is longevity in that relationship as well. Is your newfound relationship something that can be sustained if it keeps going on the way it currently is? Now like any other part of life, there are periods where things go well, and when they don't. Your only job is to make sure that while that relationship is active, for however long it may be, that your partner's everyday life is being positively affected. That may sound like a no brainer catch-all statement but there are relationships where one party comes out of it with their life completely in shambles while the other is chilling, parasitic relationships like that are more common than I care to admit but it does happen; it's easy for those to occur if both parties are not always thinking "Oh, how can I make [insert partner's name] smile today? Correct me if I'm wrong but having a daily thought like that should protect your relationship from a whole host of issues. From what I've seen, right from after [shouldn't say the actual number for privacy's sake] months, both Samuel and Ann's lives had been drastically changed for the better. An amazing breath of fresh air is what it is and it shouldn't be underestimated how much change and growth can happen in even a day once you're paired up with the right partner and the right attitude to match.
I've now realized this is only about a quarter of what I talked about with "Ann and Samuel" and I don't want to keep you here too long, so this is officially a four-parter! See you next time for answers to questions like "Is it ever okay to lie to your partner?" and "What is the most important part of a romantic relationship?" :)
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