Hi again, it’s me. Since this is just a continuation from the last part, I don’t think a huge introduction is needed. Here we go.
Lying is bad. Everyone on the planet raised by decent parents heard this at least once. I mean it’s a very good moral stance to have, lying is bad because a truthful world is a good thing. Trust blossoms and fear becomes non-existent. Lying bad, truth good, but what about situations where the truth causes a bad thing to happen? Then the truth isn’t always good. So after knowing all that, is it ever okay to lie to your partner? Like most things in life, it depends.
I asked Samuel if it’s ever okay, and he figured - if it’s for their benefit, then yeah it should be. He made it clear though that there is a difference between being quiet about something and telling someone something different from reality. It goes without saying that yeah sure for like surprise birthdays or gifts, keeping quiet about it and subverting expectations isn’t an evil thing or red flag it’s just a fun little thing. “Do I look good today?” The answer is always yes. No matter what, your partner wants at least two things - for you to be happy, and for them to share in that happiness with you. So I feel like it’s fine to lie, as long as it's not too serious and it brings them joy - because nothing is more beautiful than seeing the person you care about smile.
Okay but what about a situation where your friend flat out doesn’t like the person you’re seeing and talks crap behind their back? Do you protect your partner’s feelings by lying or do you show unwavering loyalty and cut the friend from your life? Well, the easy thing to do would be to cut that friend out, but no, good relationships aren’t that easy. The truth should be told in situations like these because like Samuel said, “there’s beauty in transparency.” Being honest in times like these creates opportunities for positive change in your life because 1 of 2 things would happen after this -
1. Any friend worth keeping would trust you and at the very least put aside their disdain for your partner because what’re friends for if not to support you? That evolves your friendship and now you have someone to talk to about how much you love your partner
2. That friend has a reason for disliking your partner, you (being a good friend) listen to them, and boom, bad relationship avoided. Being blinded by love is a very real thing and sometimes you just need to hear from someone you’re not completely infatuated with.
On a more serious note, why should lying even be considered? Truth begets trust and when something happens that makes you feel like you need to hide the truth, following through on that is the first step in the recipe for disaster. The truth always comes out between two people and the longer that truth stays hidden, the worse the blowout will be. Trust takes a long time to build, and if you're ever unfortunate enough to lose it, things may never be the same.
To summarize - for a surprise trip to Bali in the middle of Canada’s winter, you better believe lying about where you’re going is okay; but for the stuff that does matter, spit it out and trust that you’ve chosen someone who loves you enough and who’s wise enough to know what’s a mistake and what’s a complete deal-breaker.
I promised an answer to the question “what’s the most important part of a relationship?” Besides spirituality and having respect for each other’s beliefs, it’s inarguably communication.
A lot of people who’ve had more than one relationship will tell you this, - communication is frankly the only thing capable of saving them from dying, no amount of gifts, surprise trips to Thailand, or physical affection can compare. If you’ve noticed, a lot of Samuel and Ann's relationship involves just plain old talking and listening and more talking and more listening. That’s why I believe they’re doing as well as they are now. Being able to see something from someone else's viewpoint is a cheat code. Because not only do you know what you’re upset about and what solution you’d like, but now you know what your partner is aiming for as well, at that point it’s then your job, man or woman, to take the first step towards reconciliation and making sure battles continue to stay both of you fighting the problem, and not fighting each other. If that line eventually gets crossed, you may not be able to go back to how things used to be. Picture a therapist trying to help someone get through some childhood trauma, they speak softly and refrain from placing blame on people as opposed to situations; now imagine that's how you both approached every conflict, there’d absolutely no opportunity for yelling or anger getting the best of someone and something hurtful being said that truly isn’t meant.
“When can I see you again?” After an amazing first date, those words are what everyone wants to hear. For now, there’s no second date between us, just a promise that for part three we’ll be asking “Is it necessary to know about your partner’s previous relationships?” And “How do you feel when other people find your partner attractive?” :)
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